They can't take that away from me
by AAB
Summary: Harm is on active duty again and Mac misses him. And he misses her.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclamer: Not mine, Bellisario's_

**They can't take that away from me** * 

There are many many crazy things  
That will keep me loving you  
And with your permission  
May I list a few

The way you wear your hat  
The way you sip your tea  
The memory of all that  
No they can't take that away from me

The way your smile just beams  
The way you sing off key  
The way you haunt my dreams  
No they can't take that away from me

We may never never meet again,  
on that bumpy road to love  
Still I'll always,

always keep the memory of

The way you hold your knife  
The way we danced till three  
The way you changed my life  
No they can't take that away from me 

True as they were, the words reverberated inside Mac's head, while she was lying on the couch. They, whoever 'they' might be, couldn't take all her memories away. The way he walked, the way he wore his uniform, especially his dress-white, the way he drank his tea. The way their friendship had changed her life.  
After their teary goodbye in his office she had hoped they would stay in touch. And they did, in a way. Exchanging emails, and an occasionally phone call or chat-session. However, it wasn't enough. It was flat, lifeless, like between two vague acquaintances.  
She took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes before a tear could escape. Self-pity wouldn't do her any good and with that thought she rose to her feet. It would be Harriet's birthday in a couple of days and Bud had mentioned a surprise party. Going out to find a birthday gift would put her mind elsewhere. She grabbed her coat and purse and left the apartment. 

The way she smiled, the way she entered a room, the way she drank her coffee, marine style and strong enough to wake the dead. The way she had changed his live. Yes, she haunted his dreams. He missed her, more than he anticipated he would.  
Harmon Rabb Jr. lay on his bunk bed at the Patrick Henry, the words of the song he just heard still in his head. He had thought returning to flight status would be the culmination of all of his dreams. And it had been, for the first couple of weeks. Nothing could beat the thrill of being launched from the deck, controlling the heavy machine, the roaring engines. Knowing you're king in your own little cockpit.  
But after those first weeks … Harm sighed. Being on sea was more than flying and there were too many long hours. Hours of thinking, hours of missing. Missing his own loft, the one he had restored with so much love. Missing the intellectual challenge of his work as a lawyer. Missing his buddies at the ball game. Missing his friends. Missing his best friend … Mac, Sarah.  
His thoughts wandered along the previous days. The boy, a first year's shipman had been in a panic. Harm remembered the look in his eyes when he begged him to help him, swearing he had no idea how the stash of cocaine had ended up between his belongings. Being midseas the CAG had wanted a speedy trial and since Harm still had his license he was assigned to defend Toni Sparelli, a Washington lad of Italian descend, just 18 years of age. Harm knew it would be a difficult case since all evidence seemed to point at him and, to make matters worse, Toni had been in trouble before and had been given the choice between enlisting or doing time.  
It had taken Harm several hours going through the statements to find the flaw and he had managed to proof the boy's innocence and point out the real perpetrators.  
It was only now he came to realize winning a case, knowing justice had been served gave him the same, not thrill, that wasn't the word, but … he struggled to find the right expression … deep satisfaction as a well done landing.  
He kept in touch with home. However, it was not enough. Damned, he shared more with Bud than with his best friend and partner Sarah MacKenzie. Correct that, former partner. He wondered briefly with whom she would be partnered now. It didn't change the fact he was still thinking about her as 'his'.  
Not that it was wrong sharing with Bud or Harriet for that matter, after all they were very good friends as well, but … they were not Sarah. He let out a wry chuckle realizing he called her Sarah again, after all those years calling her 'Mac' she now was Sarah, at least in his dreams.  
A knock at the door jerked him out of his thoughts.  
"Enter."  
"The CAG wants to see you."  
"I'll be right there."  
The shipman nodded and disappeared.  
Harm straightened his uniform and headed for the captain's office. On his knocking he heard an 'enter" and inside he was ordered to take a seat.  
"First, I'm giving you a special assignment. In two days a plane has to be flown back to the States,' CAG Pike started. "You will leave on Saturday late afternoon, spend the night at Dyce Airport near Aberdeen, Northern Scotland and fly to Washington next day. Refuelling by the SS Watership mid Atlantic. Commercial flight back to Italy, Friday late afternoon."  
Harm nodded, hiding a smile. That gave him 4-5 days with his friends.  
"Then," the CAG leaned back in his chair, "there is something personal I wanted to discuss."  
Harm waited.  
"How do you see your future here?"  
"Sir?" Harm asked confused.  
"What I'm going to say now is confidential." He waited for Harm to nod again. "You are by far the best aviator I had in a long time, if not ever. To me your age is an advantage, you are beyond the competition the younger ones tend to throw themselves in. Lt. Buxton was a sorry example of that. But you have been out of flight duty for a long time. Too long, I'm afraid. Some of those guys have over 1000 flight hours more than you do. And sadly that's what will earn them promotion, long before you. Staying here will put your rise on the career ladder to an end, you must be aware of that. Secondly, I watched you defend Toni. You loved what you were doing and you're damned good at it, too. I wasn't willing to set a dime on his innocence but you proved it beyond doubt. And third, I don't think you're happy here. You've outgrown life at sea and you have nothing to prove anymore. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything negative to say about your performance. But I'm starting to miss the spark."  
He rose to his feet.  
"I suggest you use the days away form ship to think about it. I would be sad to see you go, as I said you are the best aviator I had in a long time, but you're my old pal's son and although it's not very military, it's your wellbeing I'm concerned about. Dismissed," he ended a bit abruptly.  
Harm came to attention. "Aye, aye Sir." He turned around and was about to leave when the CAG added "And don't be afraid by choosing another career you would disappoint your old man, he would be very proud of you, no matter what."  
A lump in his throat Harm nodded and left the room. 

_Four days later  
_Harm whistled while changing lanes. Everything had gone smoothly the previous days: his flights, his one night stay in Scotland, his debriefing. Following Toni's begging he had visited his parents to set their minds at ease completely. Mr. Sparelli had turned out to be the owner of a recommended Italian restaurant. Harm chuckled at the memory. He had hugged Harm and kissed him on both cheeks. "You saved my boy, my Toni. You will be my guest, eat free the rest of your life, yes?" It had taken Harm a long time to convince him he wasn't allowed to accept anything except words of thanks. Finally he had managed to settle on one free meal and a table anytime he wanted one.  
After that he had slept for a couple of hours and now felt completely ready for Harriet's surprise party. No one, not even Bud knew he was coming. In the seat next to him were the presents, first for Harriet and next for all of his friends. He had even managed to purchase a couple of metres tartan, in the colours of the MacKenzies. His Sarah would love that. He pulled a face; 'his Sarah' he could wish. He slowed down a bit. Being late as a habit, he now deliberately wanted to be a bit late in order to have all other guests present for his 'big entrée'.  
In the next lane a red corvette passed by, driving only a few miles too fast. Contrary to her habit Mac was running late and trying to make up for lost time. The interview that afternoon had taken more time than she had anticipated and on top of that her car had had trouble starting. She frowned. The SUV she just passed by looked eerily familiar to Harm's, even the driver had the same dark hair. But she knew it could not be him. Harm was a couple of thousands miles away, patrolling the Yugoslavian air space. 

The party already in full swing no one but Bud heard the bell ring. He cocked his brows, not expecting anyone else but went to answer the door. Mac saw him leave the room and heard his surprised yell. Moments later he appeared again and asked for attention.  
"We have an unexpected but very welcome guest," he announced, and turned to beckon Harm in. For a moment there was a silence and then the guests started to throng around him, eager to greet him. Harriet gave him a firm hug and he kissed her cheek, congratulating her with her birthday.  
Mac stood aside for a moment, taking in what was happening in front of her. Reality had a hard time to sink in. When he finally was released by their fellow officers he turned to her. She gave him a smile and raised her hand to touch his face.  
"What are you doing?"  
"Making sure it's you," she sighed. Harm pulled her in a hug and she melted against him, pushing her face in the crook of his neck for a moment to hide her tears. He was here. 

The evening went smooth and pleasant, Mac hardly ever leaving Harm's side. Around eleven Bud called it a day, since every one of them, except for Harm, had to work the next day. They all said their goodbyes and headed for their cars. Harm politely waited for Mac to drive off but since she didn't start the engine, he stepped out again, walked over to her car and leaned over to her window to ask what's wrong. Mac all but cursed "It won't start. It had trouble before with starting but now it's dead all together!" Harm walked over to the hood and signalled her to pop it. He had a look, asked her to try starting again, then walked over to her door again declaring "the battery died."  
Now Mac was really cursing. Harm patiently waited till she was finished and then offered "Can I give you a ride?" Mac sighed and nodded "yes, please." 

They drove in silence. Mac looked out of the window at the car lights. Harm grew more worried when and was about to say something when she blurted out: "Why did you have to come back?" 

_* Song by __Ella Fitzgerald_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Part 2**_

"_Why did you have to come back?"  
_"Excuse me?" To say Harm was surprised was an understatement.  
Mac remained silent for a while, fighting her tears. "When you left ..." she finally whispered "it hurt. I missed you so much. But I got used to missing you." She looked at him. "It was not that I missed you less, but the pain eased, it became duller. And now you're back en in a few days you will be gone again and …" she suppressed a sob.  
Harm swallowed. He himself had trouble to keep his emotions at bay. He pulled the car over, killed the engine and pulled Mac into his arms. "I'm sorry," he whispered, not knowing what to say. "I'm so sorry."  
It took Mac some time to compose herself again, and to be honest, she took her time, at the same time enjoying being in his arms and wanting to stay there as long as possible. Finally she felt she couldn't stall any longer and pushed herself in an upright position again. She gave him a wobbly smile. He smiled back and wiped the last tear away with his thumb. The tenderness of the gesture made her want to start crying all over again but she controlled herself.  
"Do you want me to stay away from you while I'm in Washington?"  
Mac could only look at him in shock.  
"I mean, I would love to spend time with you, but if it's easier to you...," Harm stammered.  
Mac looked like she was ready to smack him. "Oaf," she scolded. "Knowing you are here and not be with you would be even worse. Now that you _are_ here I want to take as much advantage of it as possible." Suddenly she looked shy. "That is, if that's okay with you? I don't know what plans you made?" she added a bit uncertain.  
Harm pulled her close again. "The only plan I made was to spend as much time with my friends as I could," he reassured her "but I have a few errands to run and the Admiral ordered me to see him tomorrow afternoon." And at her surprised glance he shrugged. "I don't know why either."  
He took a deep breath. "I missed you, too." For a moment there was silence. Then Harm turned towards the steering wheel again and brought the car back to live. They hardly spoke but now it was a comfortable silence.  
At Mac's place Harm reached out to help her out of the car and was ready to wish her a 'good night'. But Mac had other plans. She placed her hands on his shoulders and looked at him pleadingly "Stay?"  
Harm bended and rested his forehead against hers. "You're sure?"  
"Yes. I mean, I don't want to ..." She blushed. "But I just want you to be with me." Her lower lip trembled. She hated to feel so weak, only now she was not able to play the strong, independent marine.  
"It's ok, I'll stay," Harm soothed her. "I can drive you to work tomorrow, run my errands and come back for the meeting with the Admiral."

True to his word the next morning Harm drove Mac to the office. After running his errands and a quick lunch he was back at 13.30 for his meeting with the Admiral. Tiner showed him in and his former CO waved him a chair. "Well," he nodded. "How do you like your life at sea?"  
Harm thought for a moment, then decided to be honest. "I like being able to fly again, Sir. Nothing beats the thrill of controlling a 5 ton F14. And I like my task. It is satisfying to help keep people safe. I like the camaraderie with the other men." He took a breath. "That's one side, Sir. I hadn't realised how much I would miss my life here, my friends, and my own home. Or how much I would miss my job. Not all of it, but certainly the intellectual challenge. Not that flying doesn't require brains," he quickly added. "I always thought …"  
The Admiral nodded slowly and thoughtfully but didn't say anything. Both men kept silent till Harm asked "Permission to speak freely, Sir?" And after being granted that "May I ask why you want to know, Sir?"  
Chegwidden hesitated a moment as to decide how much to reveal. Then he decided to be open too. "I got a phone call from Captain Pike. He told me about his conversation with you. You know I've never been happy with you leaving here. I thought, and still think, it was a stupid decision. I wanted to know how you feel of it now."  
Harm ran his hand through his hair. "Then you also know Captain Pike told me to reconsider my position while I'm here, Sir."  
"Yes, he did. And what did you decide, Harm?" More than anything the use of his given name made Harm realize that this was more a conversation between a father and son than one between an officer and his former CO. After a few more moments of pondering he decided to take the plunge. "Sir, it was not only my life, my friends and my home I was missing. Sarah, ehh, Major MacKenzie and I … she took it very hard when I left."  
The Admiral nodded again. He had noticed that. "And how do you feel about her?" Harm swallowed. "I … uh ...  
His former CO hid a smile. He waited a moment before he continued "Let me be honest with you. I like you to come back to JAG. And I'm willing to pull some strings." Harm's head snapped up, surprised but before he could say something the Admiral raised a hand, indicating he wasn't finished. "I'm even prepared to look into the matter of Major MacKenzie and you, provided that you keep your personal relation out of the office. I want you to think it over. If you decide to come back, you still will have to end this tour. That means you could return to JAG early February. I like you to think about it and let me, us know as soon as possible." He rose to his feet. "In the mean time, you are not allowed to speak about this. To no one. Am I clear?" Harm stood as well, coming to attention. "Aye, aye Sir."  
"Dismissed," and with that the Admiral returned his attention to the files on his desk.  
Harm left the room somewhat in a daze.

During his leave Mac and Harm spent as much time together as possible. The Admiral mercifully turned a blind eye for Mac coming in late and leaving early. And Mac loved to come home to a not-empty house, with the smell of the food Harm was preparing and the music of his guitar. In fact, he only went back to his own house to pick up some clothes and necessities.  
The days went too quickly and before they knew it, it was Thursday evening. Mac sat curled up on the couch, her head on Harm's shoulder. Ever so often he looked aside to press a kiss on her hair. They both were silent, enjoying this last evening together. Finally Mac heaved a sigh.  
"What happens now?"  
Harm didn't pretend not to understand her. The same question had been on his mind for the previous days. He knew what he wanted: to explore their relationship further but he wondered whether it was fair to ask her to wait for him. Even if he decided to end his flying carrier, he would be on ship for four more months. More if the war required so. And he wasn't allowed to mention his possible return to JAG.  
In the mean time Mac waited with bated breath. Slowly, pausing frequently to find the right words Harm shared his thoughts with her. He ended with "There are so many questions I like to ask you, so many things I want to know about you. But when we are together, I forget about them, or chicken out on asking you."  
Mac caressed his cheek. "I will wait for you. As long as it takes." Both were silent for a while. Then she continued "I have been thinking about that myself. About questions, you know. Things I want to ask you. So I came up with an idea. Every week we take turns in asking a question. Any question, things we like to know, how we think about matters … dream, hopes, fears. I start, in the even weeks. And you the next week, in the odd weeks. The other has a week to answer … and to motivate his or her answer."  
A bit uncertain she looked up at Harm. But he nodded thoughtfully. "I think that will work. As long as we are not in lockdown or something like that. I will try my best, I promise."  
Mac smiled and snuggled back in. "Me too."  
The next morning Harm used the morning to get all his stuff in order. Mac had managed to get a half the day off so they had lunch together. Then Harm expressed his wish to visit the Wall. He took his time to 'talk' to his dad and Mac didn't interrupt.  
After that it was time to go to the airport. Mac behind the steering wheel they drove in silence, each engulfed in their own thoughts, both dreading the moment of goodbye.  
Harm went to the desks, checked in and then turned to Mac. He opened his arms and Mac clung to him, loosing the battle against the tears.  
"This time you can't ask why you're the only one crying," Harm tried to joke, blinking his own tears away. His flight was already announced and they knew he had to go. "Be safe," Mac whispered before releasing him. He nodded, not able to speak and kissed her hard before heading to the gate.  
With a final wave he disappeared out of her sight. She took a deep breath and slowly turned around, to make her way to the exit. She was not going to wait until his plane left.  
At the other end of security Harm gathered his briefcase once more and looked for a quiet spot. There he grabbed his cell phone en punched in a number. "Tiner, can you get me through to the Admiral?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

During the following weeks they exchanged lots of mails and questions. Each was looking forward to the moment they opened their e-mail and almost every time there was a message waiting for them.  
As Mac was the first to start their little ask-and-answer game she was a bit unsure what to ask first. She didn't want to start with a too heavy question and finally settled for 'What colour do you like best?'  
It didn't take Harm long to answer 'I don't know what colour I like most. I like a lot of colours because they all carry memories or have a special meaning to me. I remember the times my dad came home. There were not a lot of military men living in our neighbourhood so when I saw a Navy blue uniform at the end of the street, even if the person wearing it was to far away to recognize, I knew it was my dad and I ran to meet him. Of course I'm proud to wear the same Navy blue myself now. I like soft pink because it reminds me at the roses in the White House' garden where we first met. Green reminds me of you, the marine green you wear so well and I love your brown eyes, with golden sparks in them.'

It was Mac's turn to ask a question and she decided to tackle a subject that was always good for a bit of bantering: his eating habits. After a bit of catching up she typed 'my question for this week is: When and why did you start to be a vegetarian?' A few loving sentences and with a smile she hit the 'send'-button.  
Harm laughed out loud when he read his marine's mail. He too first updated her about the previous days and then turned to the main point 'It all started as a bet. At the academy. I and five other guys felt challenged by a teacher. Not that he really challenged us but he told about eating habits and afterwards we joked about it. Well, we decided to eat no meat for a week, or longer, the last one winning the stakes. We each promised to contribute 100 bucks. But it didn't take long for me to realize I had to win, I simple couldn't afford to lose. Car had to be paid off, owed a couple of guys some bucks … So I hung in. I have to admit, I hated it the first days. The other boys gave up, one by one and after four weeks I was the winner. I could have gone back to eating meat but it felt good. Physically. So I stuck to vegetarian, mostly that is. You know, I still take some fish of poultry once in a while. But for the rest, I prefer the green stuff.' He too finished with words only meant for her.

After a few weeks Harm decided to test the waters a bit more. After all, this 'question-and-answer game' was designed to get to know each other better. So after the normal chitchat he ended with the question 'What do you find the most annoying on me?' A virtual kiss sealed the mail and before he could change his mind his clicked the send button.  
When Mac read the question she had to take a deep breath. It now dawned to her this game could easily backfire. Talking to one in person was one, talking by email was another. There was a reason why emoticons were invented. If anything this 'game' would be an exercise in think first and react later. An exercise they both could use. It would be so easy to use the wrong words and hurt each other.  
So she prepared her answer like it was one of her closing arguments. 'I admire your tenacity when you are doing what you think is the right thing to do. You are a good man, wanting to serve justice and do what's right. But I hate it when it turns into obsession. When you see nothing except for whatever it is at that moment. When you seem to sacrifice everything else in pursuing your goal. Sometimes it even seems the people around you don't matter at that moment. Next to that it really scares me when you loose sight of possible dangers. I know danger is very much part of our jobs but I don't want to loose you.' She ended with 'I like to return the question.'  
Now it was Harm's turn to choose his words with care. 'I think it will be your stubbornness when it comes to be a marine. Your drive for independence. I know you're a good Marine, and a very good markswoman. I trust you with my life. But like me being obsessed, your drive to prove yourself sometimes makes you let carefulness go out of sight. Even though you are a skilled Marine, you can't stop a bullet. Sometimes you need backup. I know my compulsion to protect you annoys you but I can't think of losing you. And, hear who is talking now, being vulnerable once in a while is no sin.'

The next question Mac asked was what he missed the most about not having a father. That was not difficult to ask for Harm. He wrote back almost immediately. 'What I missed the most was of course his love. He was my hero, in each aspect. Next to that I missed the guidance. You know all those little things in which a father teaches his son to become a man. I was not willing to take that from Frank. I regret that now. He is a good man and he really sees me as his son.' Her question being answered he turned his attention to his next one. He would love to hear something about her youth but he knew she came from a bad childhood. He would have to choose his words with care. 'My next question is about your childhood. I know it still affects you. I don't want to push you but I would like – if that's the right word – to learn a bit more of it."  
Mac had to take a deep breath when she read his mail. She knew she could have expected something like this. And he had every right to ask. After all, she started this 'game' to learn more about each other, to work at their relationship even though he was far away and her past was something still affecting her. Sometimes affecting her a lot. But it was also something she tried to remember as little as possible. After much thinking she wrote 'thinking back at my childhood is not something I like to do. There are many things I'd rather forget. But yes, as it still influences my life, I think you have a right to know. However, I would rather tell you when you are here, if that's okay with you. But to answer your question partly: The thing I missed the most was acceptation. The feeling that I was allowed to be there with all my flaws and good points. I get that from you and I love you for it and I'm very grateful. Don't say I don't need to be, I still am.'

Half of December Mac asked Harm how he thought about marriage. In general, she quickly added, not wanting to run ahead of things. It was a bad time to ask, though, not because Harm didn't want to talk about it but because the conflict had flared up and all aviators made long hours. Harm too was too tired to e-mail. He had only time for briefings and debriefings, to fly en use the rest of his time to grab a bite and rest. Even now he still wanted to answer Mac. Opening the computer and sit and write a coherent answer was too much so he opted for scribbling down his thoughts while lying on his bunk. It became quite a long letter so after a few days he decided not to type it but sent what he had written. His letter in the postbag on it's way first to Italy and then to the States Harm grabbed his laptop for the first time in days.

_Hi my lovely Ninja girl,_

_Sorry that I didn't write more often this week but it's crazy here. I guess you already know; sometimes I forget you in DC have more insight in the proceedings of the war than we sitting in the middle of it. The amount of flights has almost doubled, leaving us just enough time to (de)brief, eat and sleep. I did think about your question though. A lot. Mostly lying on my bunk, to tired to stand up and switch on the computer. So I wrote by hand. I won't say it's a coherent story, I wrote my thoughts down as they came. The letter is in the mail leaving ship today. You should have it in about a week. This might be the last time for a while I'm able to mail you. Rumours are we are going in lock-down, so don't worry when you don't hear from me. I've got to go._

_Love you_  
_Harm_

And he was right. They went in lockdown, that very evening.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 4**

_Dec. 23rd_

_JAG Headquarters_

Over de next days the conflict had flared up, both parties wanting to make a statement just before Christmas. As Harm had predicted, the ship went in lock down, leaving it impossible to communicate. Mac hadn't heard from him for several days but managed to keep her nerves under control. Until today, that is.  
Entering the office her eyes went, as always, to the row of TV-screens high on the wall. ZNN was on and covering a war item. Stills from a plane were shown, a plane she immediately recognized. Harm's! With her co-workers she listened to the reporter announcing one of the fighters was hit by hostile fire, had caught fire and plunged into the water. As for now there were no reports of the navigator and RIO's names nor was there about their fate.  
Mac paled, swaying on her legs. Harm! It could not be…. They could not take him away from her … The Admiral saw her reaction, took her arm and led her into his office. There he made her sit in the chair, then sat himself in his own chair.  
"Mac, we know nothing for sure yet. You have to have faith. I will do anything I can to find out whether it was Harm." Mac nodded mutely.  
The Admiral rose, bellowed for Tiner. When he appeared at the door jam the Admiral ordered him to get Lieutenant Sims and when Harriet appeared she was ordered to make sure Mac had coffee and to keep an eye on her during the day.  
Needless to say Mac didn't get much work done that day. At 16.00 the Admiral sent her home, promising her to call when he knew more. Despite all his attempts he hadn't been able to find out anything during that day, due to the fact the fleet was still in lock down. Even for Admirals.

As soon Mac arrived home, she heard the phone ring. Picking it up as fast as she could it turned out to be Harm's mother Trish Burnett. As expected she too was out of her self with worry.  
Next to that she turned her attention to the mail she picked up from the mailbox downstairs. As she had hoped Harm's letter was in it. It was so wry seeing his letter about how he thought about marriage, the same day she was likely to have lost him but she opened it anyway. She read it, fast the first time, more slowly the second time. He wrote about his longing to live together, not having to come home in an empty home. About spending quiet evenings together, discussing whatever came to mind. About his fears about screwing up, having lived on his own for so long, and his longing to be able to really share his thoughts, feelings and fears. Starting a family together and give their children all what they themselves didn't have as kids.  
Finally she sat back, tears streaming over her face. Everything she had wished for was in the letter and now fate had interfered. Most likely she was never going to have it.  
They couldn't take that away from her. She couldn't be the third generation of women who loved and lost a Rabb-man. They couldn't do that to his mother, losing her son on Christmas Eve after losing her husband so many years earlier on almost the same evening. And still …  
Feeling no need for food or drinks she mourned the love of her life.

_La Jolla, CA  
8.30 PM local  
_In La Jolla Trish had been keeping vigil next to telephone, stubbornly refusing to eat or rest despite her husband encouragements. She was determined not to move before she knew the fate of her son. After a while Frank gave up and sat next to her, waiting silently, for hours.

_Same time  
Washington Airport  
_The plane had landed and with a groan the man tried to stretch his stiff muscles, at the same time trying not to move in a way not consistent with an arm in a sling and a few bruised and taped ribs. Luckily one of his co-passengers was kind enough to reach for his briefcase and hand it over to him. Slowly he made his way to the baggage carrousel. Absentminded he threw a glance at the TV screens broadcasting the latest news. Suddenly he tensed, recognizing the place the images came from. His ship, and what more, a still of his plane. and the subtitling telling a plane was lost at sea, the fate of the crew unknown. No names of casualties were released yet.  
Harm gasped, the names of his co-aviators tumbling through in his mind. Who would it be? Who was flying his plane now? What had happened? He rushed to retrieve his baggage and then, dragging his duffel bag and not paying attention to his injuries, to find a cab. 'Sarah' was the single thought on his brain. She must have heard by now.  
In the cab he gave the driver Mac's address and relaxed in the cushions. Another thought struck his mind 'Mum!' Fumbling his cell out of his pocket he dialled the familiar number.  
Trish' scream was loud enough to alarm the neighbours.

Arriving at Mac's place Harm paid the cabbie. The man mercifully helped him to carry his bag into the elevator. Harm thanked him and wished him a merry Christmas. Upstairs he hauled his bag to Mac's door, suppressing a moan of pain. Softly he knocked on the door, not wanting to disturb the neighbours.  
Inside Mac lifted her head. There was someone at the door. But she didn't want to. She didn't want to rise and answer. She didn't want to see her CO standing their, his face sad, telling here there was no hope anymore.  
The knocking insisted. Whoever it was on the other side of the door, he or she was not going away. With a groan she pushed herself to her feet, dragged herself to the door and yanked it open, not bothering to look through the peeping hole.  
Harm just raised his hand for a third round of knocking.  
Mac stood rooted to the spot for seconds, then launched herself at him, laughing and crying at the same time. "You live, you live…!"  
Despite his injuries Harm managed to catch her but he stumbled back and couldn't suppress a yelp of pain, sucking in the air. This alerted Mac to his condition. Shocked she jumped back. "Harm, you're hurt, I am so sorry!"  
Harm managed to give her a smile, although with clenched teeth.  
"I'm fine, just give me a minute."  
After a few deep breaths he stood straight again, now carefully pulling Mac towards him with his right hand and pressing her against his uninjured side. He felt her tremble and realized she was fighting her tears.  
When she had recovered enough she took a deep breath and said "let's go inside." She grabbed his duffelbag, leaving the briefcase to him. Harm was most happy to follow her, not only because he wanted to be with her but also because he was starting to feel himself dead on his feet. Inside he dropped his briefcase and sank down on the couch, his face pale. It had been a long, exhausting and painful day.  
Mac sat next to him. "I … I'm sorry," she softly said, looking very ashamed. Harm hoisted a brow. "What?"  
"It's my fault you're in pain."  
Harm took her hand again. "Don't. Holding you is worth a bit of pain and it's time for my meds anyway. I'm supposed to take them every 4 hours and it's over 5 hours ago I took them." He pulled her in for another kiss. "Can I have a glass of water?" he winked.  
Mac already ran to the kitchen, coming back with two bottles of sparkling water, one of which she handed over to him. Then she sat next to him once more, holding his hand with both of hers.  
"What happened?"  
"It was a stupid accident. I really didn't take any risk; I was walking behind the safety lines, you know, the strips on deck indicating the save-to-walk areas but one of the landing cables snapped. It was about to hit me when one of the crew tackled me to safety. But he was a big guy and he landed on top of me. Hence the bruised ribs and the hair fracture in the arm." He shrugged. "The doctor on board treated me but it will need some healing time. That same evening a carrier had to fly to Italy and since I would be of no use on board for the coming weeks, they swapped me with a one of the aviators from Vicenza. In Italy I just managed to catch a plane home but I didn't have time to call. And later … I decided to surprise you." He looked aside. "I'm sorry; if I had called it would have saved you some horrible hours."  
She reached up to kiss him. "It's over now, you are alive and here. I can't wish for anything else. I spoke to your mum earlier this day …" Her head snapped up "Your folks, they ..."  
He shushed her immediate. "I thought of that, too. I already called mum from the cab. She is fine. And I promised to call her tomorrow." He yawned, finishing off his water. "Do you mind we call it a day? I am, well, kind of exhausted."  
That night Mac woke up several times but every time the warmth of the firm body next to her and Harm's soft snoring reassured her. Even though she had to switch on the bed light for a moment to make sure he was safe and well.

_Dec. 24__th__  
JAG Headquarters  
9.15am  
_For what must been the tenth time the Admiral called his yeoman "the Major not in yet?" and each time the answer was negative. Increasingly worried he put down the phone and tried to focus on the file in front of him. Suddenly there was a lot of noise coming from the bullpen. There seemed to be screams and running people all around. Annoyed he rose and went to investigate the source of the disturbance.  
When he entered the bullpen there wasn't the normal call "officer on deck". In stead all the attention warped around two persons standing in the middle of what must be all the personnel present. And those two people were … the missing Major and Commander Harmon Rabb.  
The Admiral gasped. How was this possible?  
In the meantime his former co-workers all tried to greet Harm and wanted to know how he survived at the same time. The noise was deafening.  
As soon Chegwidden had overcome his astonishment he gave a holler, making the crowd jump and slowly step aside, enabling him to walk over to Harm. "Commander."  
Harm came to attention. "Commander Rabb reporting, Sir." Mac stood next to him, smiling from ear to ear.  
The Admiral had to take a deep breath. "My office," he said, hiding his emotion. The save return of the man he felt for like his own son had really hit him.  
Inside both were told to have a chair. Taking a few moments to compose himself the Admiral ordered Tiner to take care of coffee. Cups in front of them Chegwidden too was eager to know about the events leading up to Harm's presence there at JAG's. As he did the previous evening Harm explained the origin and nature of his injuries. After that the Admiral asked "What's planned now?"  
"I have to report in Bethesda some time today, Sir. The doctor on ship expected at least a four weeks sick leave. After that I await my orders, Sir."  
AJ nodded and looked at Mac.  
"What's on you plate today, Major?"  
"I have a witness interview in … three minutes, Sir. After that nothing is planned."  
"Right, then I suggest you go to your witness, afterwards you can drive the Commander to the hospital and wherever he needs to be next today. Dismissed"  
Mac having left the room, the Admiral turned to Harm again.  
"I looked into the matter we discussed last time." He smiled. "Congratulations Commander, your new orders bring you back to JAG. After your sick leave, of course, and since you've been at sea you probably have some leave after that."  
Harm couldn't hide his grin. Then he sobered.  
"Sir, my relation with the Major. We came a long way and in fact, I'm planning to make it more official on very short notice."  
"Don't worry, son, it's all covered. Admiral's privilege. Although …" his voice became stern "I expect you to leave your relation _out_ of the office."  
"I will, Sir," Harm promised.  
"And I have one request. Will you let me have the pleasure of announcing your relocation during Christmas dinner at the Roberts' tonight?"  
"Of course, Sir."  
Both men rose and walked to the bullpen. Tiner yelled "Officer on deck," and the hassle and bustle came to a sudden halt.  
"As you all can see, Commander Rabb made it safely home, although not quite in one piece. And we are very happy with that. However, let us not forget two other families are mourning the loss of a loved one now. I request a moment of silence." His subordinates came to attention and for two minutes no sound was heard. Then the Admiral announced "as you are," and retreated to his office again. Immediately Harm was surrounded by his former co-workers once more, all wanting to know what happened, how he came here and how he got the injuries.  
Bud slapped his uninjured shoulder and Harriet, fighting her tears, gave him a careful hug.

Mac made quick work of her witness interview, not allowing him any unnecessary amplification. Luckily he was eager to make it home early for Christmas as well and it took only an hour to have his signature under his statement. Another quarter of an hour to tidy her office and then she and Harm were off, first to Bethesda and then to run a few last minute errands. Like making sure Mac had enough groceries to feed them both. Since Harm had to wait for a while till the doctor was ready to see him Mac left him and went grocery shopping. She was back at 0.30pm, her trunk loaded and bringing coffee and sandwiches for both of them.  
Driving home Harm asked Mac for a detour via the bank. At her surprised look he just gave her a lopsided grin "Please?" With a shrug she did as he bade.  
Inside the bank he asked her to wait, stood in line for the counter and made a request to the clerk. The man nodded and after a few minutes another clerk turned up to lead him inside the depths of the bank. Mac waited with growing astonishment but when he returned he said nothing.

The afternoon was a quiet one. Harm took a nap to fight his jetlag and help his injuries heal while in the meantime Mac drove by Harm's loft to pick up everything he might need. Before they knew it was time to leave to the Roberts'.  
As usual Harriet had outdone herself. The table almost bent under the dishes with turkey, mashed potatoes, glazed carrots, Brussels sprouts, squash, cranberry sauce, gravy and whatever trimmings Harriet had come up with. There was happy chatting all around and again Harm had to tell how he managed not to have himself killed and how he sustained his injuries.  
Main course gone the Admiral rose and tapped his glass with his knife. "People, I like to speak some words. First I like to thank Bud and Harriet for their hospitality. I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say the annual Christmas dinner does mean a lot to us." Approving sounds were heard.  
"Then I want to express my great happiness and gratefulness that Harm is here, too. For a few terrible hours we thought he was killed in the line of duty and we are very glad to learn otherwise. However let's not forget two other brave men lost their life and our men are still fighting to bring peace." He nodded to Harm.  
"And third: the Commander will have to recover for some weeks, but I'm very pleased to announce his next station will be the JAG-office in Washington. Welcome back, Harm." Gasps were all around and then there was a round of applause and cheers. Mac flung herself in Harm's arms, almost sobbing with relief.  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
The Admiral came to his aid. "My orders, Mac. Besides, his transfer was approved only two days ago. When I told him this morning, I asked him to allow me the pleasure of announcing."  
"I take it as you are happy with my decision," Harm whispered to Mac.  
She nodded fervently. Then she looked worried. "Our relation? Does he know?"  
"Yes. And it's all accounted for. As long we keep it out of the office."

It was almost midnight. Only a few minutes left and it would be Christmas morning. Harm and Mac sat in front of fire at Mac's. Mac heaved a content sigh. "I'm so happy. Yesterday …"she blinked a few times. "I was so afraid I had lost you. I didn't want to be the third generation of Rabb-women …" her voice trailed and she bit her lip, looking down on her lap. Technically she wasn't a Rabb-woman, yet. Harm smiled; he could almost read her thoughts. With a bit of effort he reached inside his pocket and retrieved a small item "Sarah?"  
There was something in his voice that had her on alert right away. "Yes?"  
He shifted to face her, holding up the item, not yet revealing it completely.  
"In 1940 my grandfather Peter proposed to my grandmother. This is the ring he gave her. She hardly wore it, afraid to damage or lose it while working on the farm. Anyway, they were only engaged for a couple of months, they married before he was sent to war in 1941."  
He shifted his fingers a bit. "The second stone was added by my dad when he gave this ring to my mum. She preferred to wear only her wedding ring. And she never wore this one after my dad went missing."  
He took a deep breath, shifting his fingers again. "The third stone I had added in September, for you."  
He slipped off the couch and, hindered a bit by his injuries, lowered himself on one knee.  
"Sarah, I love you more than words can express. Will you marry me?"  
Mac didn't hesitate. She knelt in front of him and careful not to hurt him she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Yes!"

The end


End file.
